Where there is sorrow there is holy ground.
Oscar Wilde

No matter what holiday(s) you celebrate, the darker time of year can present reminders of all that has been lost or left behind. When the days are shorter, it is easier (at least for me) to slip into contemplation. My thoughts will often turn to those who are not in my life anymore, whether by death or decision.

There is a texture in grief’s arrival, punctuated by reminders of loved ones who should be at the table with us. It can feel sharp and scratchy, like an ill-fitting sweater or a too-tight shoe. These feelings don’t stop what is happening, but they make it hard to be fully present for new memories. Grief loudly asks for attention, and when we can honor the holiness of sorrow, our longing can be a well-behaved guest.

Here are some simple rituals to make room for feelings and memories of loss.

Light a candle – I create small altars to my losses when they are beckoning me to listen. You can light a candle for a few minutes a day to bring your grief into the present moment, sit with it, and then blow it out until you return to the memory.

Tell the stories – Whenever we speak of what we have lost, it reminds us how things stay alive when we remember them out loud. You might tell stories of those who have gone, maybe to family or friends, or to a kind tree or river.

Write to the loss – I like to write letters to previous versions of me or people I have lost or situations I have left. I write about what I miss, what I don’t miss, and what I wish would have been different. I bring to light any lingering feelings or lessons as acts of completion and, sometimes, forgiveness of self and others.

Sit in the darkness – When I am lost in my losses, I let the world go dark. I sit in the dark with my feelings. My feelings are welcome and often gentler than my resistance. The nighttime can hold all of my worries until the dawn eventually returns.

When I sit in devotion to my grief, I honor its weight and its depth. When I sit with grief as a reminder of love, I can lean against it during the cold times. We can sit together and remember where we have been and how deep my heart can care. I can remember how wise my heart is and how it does not forget what has changed me.

May the holiday season (and the entire year) offer you spaces where you can be with your self and your grief. May you know comfort in times of confusion and challenge. May you offer yourself space to feel what you feel without needing to change or fix anything.

Your sorrow can be holy ground, a place to rest your head and heart. A place to find stillness and steadiness again. The dawn always returns, even after the longest nights.

Irisanya Moon (she/they) is an author, witch, international teacher, poet, and Reclaiming initiate who has practiced magick for 20+ years. She has taught in the US, Canada, the UK, and Australia, bringing her blend of grounded, graceful, and radically authentic facilitation to inspire transformation and liberation at the personal and collective levels.

She has written a number of books:
Pagan Portals (Reclaiming Witchcraft – 2020, Aphrodite – 2020, Iris – 2021, Norns – 2023, Artemis – 2024, Circe – 2024, Hestia – 2025)
Earth Spirit (Honoring the Wild – 2023, Gaia – 2023)
Practically Pagan: An Alternative Guide to Health & Well-being – 2020
(With Pantheon: The Greeks and The Muses to arrive in late 2025 and early 2026, respectively.)

Plus she has written essays, articles, poems, and blogs for Moon Books, Watkins MIND BODY SPIRIT Magazine, Llewellyn, Revelore Press, Girl God Books, Witches & Pagans, Pagan Dawn, Coreopsis Journal, Epona Muse Publishing, and more.

In 2023, they self-published a book of poetry, “wrecked: the insistence of grief.”

Irisanya cultivates spaces of self-care/devotion, divine relationship (whatever that means to you), and community service as part of her heart magick and activism.

For more information: https://www.collectiveinkbooks.com/moon-books/our-books/practically-pagan-alternative-guide-health-well-being