The other day, I had a brief, passing interaction online that caught me completely off guard. It wasn’t a massive, dramatic argument. It was just dismissive enough to send me straight down an emotional spiral.

The details of what happened don’t actually matter. What counted was how fast everything escalated internally. If years of paying attention to my mental and emotional health have taught me anything, it’s that deep self-growth changes how our bodies process stress. Because I’ve been focusing so much on my inner landscape lately, my body now reacts instantly to being minimized. The physical reaction was immediate.

We never stop learning, and we never stop being human. When we are in the middle of digging ourselves out of old habits and healing past wounds, triggers are bound to pop up. They aren’t failures; they are indicators, showing us exactly where the skin is still tender.

For me, the self-doubt of my worth and what I bring to the table has always been an open wound. That one dismissive moment immediately had tears streaming down my face and my jaw muscles tightening up like a vice.

For those of us who were taught early on that our voices don’t matter, and that we should remain silent, the body remembers. We might think we’ve intellectually moved past childhood trauma or a past relationship. But the nervous system remembers exactly how it felt to be small.

When my jaw stiffened, it wasn’t just a physical reflex. It was a somatic echo. It was my body physically locking up my throat, attempting to protect me by enforcing the silence I was raised on. It was an old, subconscious survival mechanism screaming at me to keep quiet, stay safe, and hide.

When that trigger hits, the temptation to retreat is overwhelming. Honestly, it makes me want to immediately revert back to surface-level conversations and shallow relationships. Back to the time before I started doing this heavy, honest inner work.

If I am being real, that superficial space was a lot less scary. I knew what to expect there. Staying on the surface means you don’t get hurt as often, you don’t get criticized, and you don’t have to expose your soft underbelly to the world. But it also means you suffocate.

When we feel minimized, our first instinct is often to fight back. We want to defend our credentials, argue our point, and desperately try to force people to see us. But there is a much safer, more sovereign option: just unplug.

You don’t need to perform, explain yourself, or defend your life experience to anyone. You are allowed to disappear into your own quiet space for an instant to gather your strength. You don’t owe an online antagonist or a dismissive colleague a piece of your mind when you are bleeding out internally.

Your voice belongs to you. If being minimized made you clam up, this period of silence is the perfect time to break that internal boundary. It is time to clear the slate and reclaim your space.

A Simple Practice to Unclench and Reclaim Your Space

This is a low-key, highly practical exercise for those times when life leaves you feeling small, frustrated, or wanting to retreat back into your shell. We’re going to focus on clearing out the self-doubt and physically relaxing the tightness in the body.

What You’ll Need:

• Black Candle: For grounding and absorbing negativity
• Paper and Pen: To write down the somatic feeling.
• A Bowl of Warm Water and Sea Salt: For a quick, clearing wash.
• A Warm Drink: Herbal tea (like chamomile or mint) to soothe your physical throat.

Clear Your Space

Dim the lights and get comfortable. Take a few deep breaths and check in with your body. Where are you holding the stress? Is it in your shoulders? Your chest? Your jaw? Just acknowledge it without judgment. Tell your nervous system: “The old threat is gone. I am safe to relax now.”

Name the Feeling

On your piece of paper, write down the feeling that the trigger brought up. Don’t write a whole story. Just write the core of the somatic memory: minimized, silenced, unworthy, hiding.

Look at it, realize it’s just a ghost from an old wound, and fold the paper up.

The Release

Stir the sea salt into your bowl of warm water. Drop the paper inside, letting the water dissolve and absorb the heavy energy. Light your black candle and say something simple to set your boundaries:

“I release the urge to hide. I release the need to stay on the surface. My voice is valid, my path is mine, and I claim my right to speak.”

Open the Throat

Now, focus entirely on the physical tightness. Take a deep breath, and as you exhale, intentionally let your jaw drop open. Use your fingertips to gently massage the hinges of your jaw, breaking up that physical stress. Take a few sips of your warm tea. Feel the heat relax your throat muscles. To close out, make some actual sound. Hum, sigh loudly, or chant a simple, resonant “I am.” Let the physical vibration clear out whatever felt stuck. Sit with the energy until you feel ready to close the space as you see fit. Let the black candle burn out somewhere safe.

Walking Out of the Mists

The next morning, pour the salt water down the drain or outside onto the earth. Visualize the urge to shrink washing completely out of your life.

Moving Forward

It’s easy to lose our footing for a second when old wounds get poked. The temptation to run back to the shallow end where it’s safe will always be there when life gets heavy.

But remember, your willingness to face the discomfort, to feel the tight jaw, and to choose to open it anyway is exactly what real healing looks like. Next time someone makes you want to hide, take a breath, drop your shoulders, and remember that you’ve earned your place in the room. Your voice is yours. Go use it!

For more details: https://www.collectiveinkbooks.com/moon-books/our-books/pagan-portals-carpo

A recognized and respected voice, Kim Gardner has been a practitioner of the Craft for over 30 years. Her journey has led her to become a High Priestess in the Gardnerian tradition and the Minoan Sisterhood. As a guiding light for others, she has led her own coven for over thirteen years. Kim’s commitment to the wider community is further demonstrated by her decade-long involvement with Pagan Pride, culminating in her current role on the Board of Directors for National Pagan Pride as the West Coast Regional Coordinator.